AJP's Theoretical Mid-1990s Family Cedar Point Experience Throwback Event of 2011

If you live in the Midwest, chances are you have at least heard the of wonder that is Cedar Point. If you've never experienced it, well, you're not cool.

One day, Scott made fun of Janelle for wearing a tie-dye t-shirt, saying that no one wears tie-dye unless they are going to Cedar Point. Slehman being of the Post-2008 Cedar Point Experience, I don't think he ever got the full effect of the Mid-1990s Family Cedar Point Experience, so my sister Clip Girl and I have been planning AJP's Theoretical Mid-1990s Family Cedar Point Experience Throwback Event of 2011.

The Itinerary:

1) Pack a mid-1990s GM minivan chock full of everything you can possibly think of, hook up a pop-up camper, and squeeze in AJPers, and leave at 6am.

2) Listen to a Walkman CD player with "Now That's What I Call Music vol. 2" with giant headphones, or play the license plate game all the way there.

3) Offer the toll booth lady some of your fruit snacks.

4) Yell at people for drooling on your pillow as they pass out from the boring-ness that is Ohio.

5) Roll up to the Cedar Point Family Campground and have a jolly old time setting up AJPTM1990SFCPETEO2011 Headquarters.

6) Happily enter the park an hour early as a perk of staying at the Cedar Point Family Campground.

7) Ride every single ride, including the Iron Dragon, Wildcat, Mine Ride, and Disaster Transport, as many times as you can.

8) Save the water rides for mid-day, when it is very hot, and you can dry off in the sweltering Sandusky heat and the wind of the Magnum. No swamp ass during AJPTM1990SFCPETEO2011.

9) After the water rides, get a stamp, go back to the campsite, and enjoy sandwiches from the cooler that you thoughtfully prepared before you left. Throw in a Kool-Aid Jammer and some fruit snacks for some delicious, nutritious, not-a-10-dollar-hot-dog Cedar Point Fuel.

10) See #7.

11) Pass out at 11pm after waiting in line for the last ride of the night on the giant rollercoaster of your choice.

12) Wake up late and mosey on over to Soak City.

13) Enjoy the wave pool, tube slides, and lazy river all day.

14) Go to bed early.

15) Repeat steps #6-9, while the Manly Men pack up the campsite and the delicate females sigh about how tired they are.

16) Repeat steps #1-4, only roll up to the suburban vacation-like dwelling of your choice.

The Uniform

THE most important part of the AJPTM1990SFCPETEO2011.

1) Matching tie-dye shirts.

2) Aviator sunglasses.

3) Visors or bucket hats.

4) Neon glasses straps for the aviators.

5) Shorts with cargo pockets to secure valuables, or a fanny pack.

6) Those socks that go halfway up your calf.

7) Those plastic money holders that hang around the neck so our money doesn't get wet on Snake River Falls.

You now have the recipe for the absolutely perfect AJP's Theoretical Mid-1990s Family Cedar Point Experience Throwback Event of 2011. Remember, kids, you can always ask for a cup of free ice water at the hot dog stands.