Overheard at the Offices of the Jeggings Blog

Scott: I don't care. I have spoken.

Janelle: Fucktardigan University.

Scott: F.U.

Scott: I don't usually eat things that are considered "slop."

Charles (growling): I had orange juice for breakfast.

[Facebook chat]

Rachel-2: I'm going to be that person that comes home from work and puts on sweatpants right away.

Janelle: I already am that person. Dan came over earlier and I'm wearing bright red LTU sweatpants, a giant "Party Like a Blue Devil" t-shirt that's too big for most men, a green zip-up hoodie from 8th grade that's too small, purple socks, moccasins, my hair on top of my head and my glasses.

Janelle: who wouldn't want to tap this?

Janelle: I thought of that last night when I was in bed.

Scott: That's kinky.

Rach: I sent Scott an e-card that said "I'm comfortable being friends with you."

Overheard at Parties That No One Comes To

Rachel-2: I'm just too tired to fucktion.

Megan (Nicole's friend): Soooo many people de-friended me on Facebook because my status was, "despite being fat, Adele is killin' it."

Rachel-2 (watching Newsies): This movie is filled with strong young jawlines.

Janelle (to Nicole): You smell like poop.

Nicole: What? How do I smell like poop? What do you mean?

Mom: Get away from us. You smell like the morning after.

Nicole: The morning after what?

Mom: You smell like bad breath, alcohol, and B.O.

Janelle: I DON'T WANT TO BE BY YOU. You smell like a literal turd.

Rachel-2: Wait, what happened to Miss Honey's dad? Did he kill himself?

Nicole: Well you know, you could just shut up and watch the movie, that's always an option. I'm just sayin'.

Nicole: I'm going to take a shower!
Janelle: Come out smelling better!
Nicole: Come out smelly butter?