Overheard - do you really need the full title after all this time?

Rach: "So, I'm going to drug you and then cut off your hair."

Scott: "I'm probably going to hell."
Janelle: "Oh, whatever, you're good."
Scott: "Yeah, I guess compared to you, I'm fine."

(At lunch)
Scott: I just realized I eat fries in twos....wait, I eat EVERYTHING in twos...
(pause)
Tommy: Are you trying to psychoanalyze everything you do now?
Scott: Yeah...
(another pause)
Tommy: I've never seen you with such a contemplative look on your face.
Scott: Well yeah, but think about all the things I think about!
(Laughter ensues after that gem of a statement. Scott tries eating one fry at a time.)
Tommy: Is it any different?
Scott: It's half the satisfaction.
(yet another pause)
Tommy: There's a 'That's what she said' joke in there somewhere.

Tommy: "I was going to combine 'fruity' and 'cowabunga'."
Janelle: "Fruitabunga."
Tommy: "Damnit."
Janelle: "That was too easy."

Scott: "These drives take frickin' forever to mount."
Janelle: "You take forever to mount."
Scott: "WHY WOULD YOU EVER SAY THAT?!"

Scott: "I meant to search for cheap shirts, but I accidentally typed 'cheap shits.'"

Jeff: "I'm certified in CPR in case anyone ever drowns on land again."
Scott: "Oh, awesome."
Rach: "Yeah, if you want your first makeout session to be with Jeff, drown on land again."
[laughs]
Rach: "I'm not actually sure if it would be your first makeout session."
Janelle: "It was a good joke anyway."
Scott: "Sadly, it's not a joke."
Janelle: [sadface]
Rach: "We'll buy you a hooker for your 21st birthday."
Scott: "Great, so it will be just full of artificial love."
Janelle: "You just have to get over that first hump!"
[hysterical laughing]
Janelle: "I meant FIGURATIVELY!"

Scott: "Get ready for this party people!"
Scott: "Sorry for that."

[Steve works at Dadco.]
Rach: "Steve has a second job. Guess where it is."
Scott: "Momco?"

Janelle: "I had to go through the mental Scott steps."

Rafting Video: ‎"Upgrade your craft for maximum performance on this ever-changing river."

Scott: "She's the most straight-edge bitch!"

Scott: "I never thought I'd dramatically say the word 'ducky'. Ladies."

Rach: "I couldn't double high-five you because I don't want to scissor yooouuuu. . . r hand."

Scott: "You are so dick as well."

Janelle: "The lower angle doesn't work, it's too thick."

Scott: "I have to support my three baby mamas."