That's What She Said...Family Edition

During my trip home for the holidays, my sister and I took every opportunity to make fun of my mother. Every funny comment and that's what she said were compiled for your enjoyment. My mother is one of those people who absorbs the language around her and uses it whether it's appropriate or weird for someone of her age or not. My sister and I exploit this fact for our amusement.

Me: Mom, why won't Misty take this treat?

Mom (nonchalantly): I don't know, she a crack hoe.

Mom: Mike, want to reach around Rach there...

Rach: Yes, Mike, please give me a reach around.

Mom: Mike, can you stick it back in the box please?

Mom: Oh I did it again!

Mom: You missed it. I just said I've got a long one I usually do it with.

Rach: Oh dang it.

Mom: You're slow on the ball girl!

Rach: Uhh. That's what she said....again

Mom (in reference to an unstuffed skunk dog toy at Meijer): Oh my God! Look at how long he is!

(in reference to the plywood under the porch)

Stacey (standing on a chair pushing on the ceiling): Mom, are you sure this wood isn't soft?

Mom (standing on a chair next to Stacey): No. Trust me, I know what soft wood is.

Mom's Follow Up (laughing): Oh my gosh you guys have been getting me all weekend!

Stacey: Can we call it something else other than wood? How about grapes?

Stacey: (considers her choice) Ok NO. That's not any better.