Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Sorry, Wrong Pants #16 - Who is Shawty?

The second result for the Google Image Search of "Who is Shawty?"
Ever run out of steam?

Now that's a funny phrase "run out of steam". I know that it's referring to old steam locomotives, but when exactly did that cross over to mean that a person has run out of energy? When someone is tired, you never hear them say, "Oh man, I'm melting down" or "Somehow there's no water flowing through my turbines today" or even "My solar panels are covered in dust and are unable to capture the full potential of energy from the sun."

In retrospect, yeah, it does make sense. Nevermind then, carry on.

Today's Panel
Janelle, Rachel, Scott, Tommy, and special guest Pogo!

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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Late Night Knickers

Wrong Yatta.
Kids, I've been on the internet a long time. A long time. A very, very long time, from a century far far away. I remember watching viral videos before the term was coined. I remember watching video online before the proliferation of flash. RealPlayer, Shockwave, Quicktime plugins were all normal things to have installed in Firebird. To share things with your friends, you'd remember a random combination of keywords to type into Google or Yahoo to find a specific hilarious item, and call your classmates to your computer to check out these hamsters dancing to crappy MIDI music. Back in the day, we didn't have a Facebook, Tweeter, Tumblr, Digg, Reddit, or any of these services to share these things. Our social network was shoe-powered.

Props to Tumblr friend Pam for posting a single frame from one of the first "viral videos" I remember watching around 10 years ago or so. I don't know which one of my friends stumbled upon this, or even how, but it happened. Oh, did it happen.

I present to you, Yatta.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Important Announcement!



All links posted by The Jeggings Blog will now be shortened, for your Tweeter convenience, using the bieber.ly URL shortening service.

Carry on.

The MEN choose where to lunch



    • Today, Scott and Tommy were trying to figure out what to do for lunch. For some reason, simply talking over the cubicle walls was too much work, so the discussion took place on Facebook. What actually happened could never have been predicted.

      Scott
      • are you lunching or did you bring something?
    • 4 hours ago
      Tommy
      • i didn't bring anything
    • 4 hours ago
      Scott
      • any preferences?
      • t-bell?
      • we haven't seen bossman in a while
      • ...and apparently, the spell checker doesn't find fault with the word, "bossman."
    • 4 hours ago
      Tommy
      • nice
      • i'm not in a t-bell mood
      • but fast food is a go
      • (gross)
    • 4 hours ago
      Scott
      • wendy's?
    • 4 hours ago
      Tommy
      • maybe
    • 4 hours ago
      Scott
      • lqtm
      • I almost typed lol, but it would be quite obvious that I was lying.
    • 4 hours ago
      Tommy
      • the hell is lqtm??
    • 4 hours ago
      Scott
      • laughing quietly to myself
    • 4 hours ago
      Tommy
      • lol
      • f*** you
    • 4 hours ago
      Scott
      • [low-level fist pump]
    • 4 hours ago
      Tommy
      • maybe mcdonalds or bk
    • 4 hours ago
      Scott
      • I could go for McDick's (McDonald's)
    • 4 hours ago
      Tommy
      • my standards are obviously quite low right now, but interestingly enough not inclusive of taco bell
    • 4 hours ago
      Scott
      • there's nothing wrong with that
      • it just means you have relatively high low standards
    • 4 hours ago
      Tommy
      • that's kind of like the phrase "upper lower michigan"
    • 4 hours ago
      Scott
      • you're in the "class mother fast food f****r" category of low expectations
      • right.
      • *classy
    • 4 hours ago
      Tommy
      • precisely
    • 4 hours ago
      Scott
      • so...food then?
    • 4 hours ago
      Tommy
      • maybe in a little while, let me finish this coffee
    • 4 hours ago
      Scott
      • sounds good
    • 4 hours ago
      Tommy
      • mcdicks?
      • is that McDicks or M.C. Dicks, like MC Hammer?
    • 4 hours ago
      Scott
      • how about MC Whopper?
      • that sounds incredible
      • I could just picture a burger king guy walking around with huge sunglasses and a brass whopper on a gold chain
    • 3 hours ago
      Tommy


  • 3 hours ago
    Scott
    • well, I know what I'm doing today
  • 3 hours ago
    Tommy
    • buying parachute pants and dancing hammer style?
  • 3 hours ago
    Scott
    • no...making an appropriate image composition

      This was the result:

      They actually ended up getting McDonald's.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Sorry, Wrong Pants #15 - The MANcast


The ladies are out, and the MEN are in! Cars, sports, man caves, dens, and meat. Lots of meat. 

Throw a steak on the grill, it's the all MALE podcast today... for the ladies.

Today's Panel
Scott and Tommy

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Saturday, May 14, 2011

Janelle's Real-time Reaction to the MANcast

I want that opening music all the time. It's so full of preposterone.

Vibha got a shoutout. Amazeballs.

Your attempt at manly sports talk was lame and needed estrogen.

The Tigers won seven in a row so shut up, men.

Excellent use of the word "fantabulous."

Den vs. Man-Cave . . . CONTROVERSY.

We have the mounted head of a buck at my cottage, does that make it a man-cave? People can't really press against it as in Scott's word picture.

Old ass fish. I have never seen an old fish, but I would like to.

I approve of the idea of table-top flat screens at the bar, a grill/deep fryer, and fog horns whenever someone scores.

There should always be leather-bound books on the shelves and spelling bees televised in a man-cave.

The Man-Cave Network sounds like a hit. As long as your fingers weren't sticky from the soda fountain of BWW sauces.

Scott should get more mad about the waitress's first day on the job being on a Wings playoff game night.

We need to have a bacon-fest one day.

I like how Scott refrained from saying that he would have alcohol in his man-cave bar, even though we all know the answer.

Also, I like how he needs to purposely have small glasses with lots of ice because he's afraid the conversation will be lacking.

Nothin' but chicken. [restaurant name]

Osama's man-cave = disappointing.

The men of AJP are talking about how they don't like dry-rubs and they like saucy meats. Make your own innuendos.

We totally have that mid-90s bottle of lemon juice in the O'Hara household.

Tommy, I don't think you'll be the alcoholic of our group.

Smart cars definitely take away your man-card, or your woman-card.

Scott needs a car that will just roll over and crush all the cars on the road, that's the only way he will ever be happy.

SHUT UP ABOUT HAVING TWO PHONES AND TWO COMPUTERS.

STOP ABOUT THE SATURNS. I LOVE MY SATURN.

I have a GPS for our rafting trip.

You WOULD talk about meat.

I have a book called "Opening a Bar For Dummies" so "The Orange Barrel/The Detour" is a viable option.

I feel considerably less feminine after listening to this because I want a man-cave as described by you two manly men.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Sorry, Wrong Pants #14 - nobodylikestoplaywithmy.cat



Ben: What do you say, do you want to play?
Us: YEAH!
Ben: Let's take a ride on the CA$H CAB! What are your names?
Us: Janellerachelscottjefftommy!
Ben: And where are we heading? 
Us: Nebraska.
Ben: Nebraska Avenue?
Us: No, the state.
Ben: Oh. Well I'm just going to drop you guys off here...
Us: We haven't even moved. We're actually further away from our destination!
Ben: I actually had to loop around and pick up Ron.
Us: Ron?

The taxi comes to a stop and the door slides open.

Ron Pitts: I'm Ron Pitts. And this is Destroyed in Seconds!
Us: YAAAAAAAYYYY!

Today's Panel
Janelle, Jeff, Rachel, Scott, Tommy, and special guest Dave!

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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The Jeggings Mobile

Run with me here.

My dad has worked for Chrysler longer than he's known my mom. Plus, we're from Detroit, so being a car guy is just sort of in the blood... and I will not reverse my apology for the love I have for my dear departed PT Cruiser.

The notion of "what car would I love to own" has changed constantly throughout the years. I've narrowed it down to two new vehicles that, if I had the money, I would buy today.


Dodge Challenger. Power-to-weight ratio be damned, I want to drive this piece of sex and call her my own. There, I said it.


Jeep Wrangler. Mostly for camping trips and winter driving, but yes, I do want this vehicle in or around my... garage.

But thinking about my personal preference for vehicles got me wondering what vehicle The Jeggings Blog would need to conduct our daily commute. 



The Scooby-Doo Mystery Machine.
This I feel is an obvious choice for the gang to drive around in. Spacious, maneuverable, and impervious to ghosts and the supernatural. There's even a dog painted on the side of the van for Rachel.


World War II DUKW (the Duck)
For the uninitiated, the DUKW is a multi-purpose utility vehicle, both amphibious and drivable on land. It's what we would build if Scott's conversion van stopped running, and we took the conversion cap off the top of it, flipped it over, and built around it. Also, who worries about miles per gallon when you can simply just boat your way to work? See, this plan is flawless.


TIV (Tornado Intercept Vehicle)
If there's one thing that The Jeggings Bloggers can agree upon, its going the extra stupid mile to get "the shot" (I refuse to state the term "money shot" here). On top of having a vehicle that could help us get every single stupid shot we could think of, the TIV would drive fear into the hearts of our enemies (pirates and black marketeers).


Smart Car Fleet
So they're not so smart... individually... but together what's the harm they could do? It could be awesome. A fleet of Smart Cars driven by The Jeggings Bloggers would be like a combination of The Italian Job and Fast Five, and I find nothing wrong with that. (Also, I have not seen these movies.)

Ice Cream Truck
Jeff's driving and always sells ice cream in the Ahhh-nold voice. I'm sure high school Janelle would purchase a Choco-Taco from this reputable family-run establishment on wheels.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Overheard in the Office of The Jeggings Blog: Slacking Edition

Who is this girl and why is she on our blog?
Amy: You know how they say life is short? Life is the longest thing we'll ever experience.

Scott: Apparently, it's constitution day in Poland and Japan.
Rach: ...Prostitution day...?
Scott: CONSTitution day.

Jeff: Scott, I need to see if my mic will fit in your shock mount.

Rach [to Scott]: I got her goin'. You're welcome.

Rach: Did you hear back from your guy about his thingee?

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Mo' Money Mo' Problems

Let's be real here - we at the offices of the Jeggings Blog are rolling in dough. Seriously, we throw money at each other every day. Does it matter if it's just $1 bills? No. It's still money that is raining down on us.

If someone wants to throw more money ca$h at us, here's what we would use it for:

None of us are really sure how to use one, we just know that we want one, and we want it to be red. As in, the color of it needs to be red.

This would be used primarily as Janelle's office, but other staffers would be allowed in occasionally.

We would like our fans to live forever. What better way than taking your medicine out of a pill box with a lemon and two balloons on it?

4) A second monitor for Slehman.
He gets really sad about not having one, and then resorts to grand larceny, which is just rude.

BossomeSAUCE

This way, Rach doesn't have to call the barbershop and send Jeff home early from work to get a haircut.

For Chromazones 2.0, but more importantly so we can recreate the Robin Sparkles "Let's Go To the Mall" video.

The one Janelle and Scott have in the Edgy Cube right now is . . . slightly too feminine for some people's taste. (meaning Janelle's)


Any other suggestions are welcome.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Sorry, Wrong Pants #13 - THIS IS BLUE DEVIL COUNTRY



(Technical note: This should be good now.)

You see, it starts over a year ago, when Scott went to a thrift store. Sargent Pepper left a frock behind, and Scott thought, "oh, I know half a t-shirt that this may match!"

Scott labored, worked hard sewing, day and night, until he had it: the perfect hybrid between a long-sleeve frock and a short sleeve shirt. He wore it into the office one day (fun side story: instead of Accidental Jeggings Productions we were almost Short-sleeve Jacket Frock Productions) but he felt incomplete. There was something missing.

Scott then spent three months carefully cutting, chopping, and slicing up foamcore and cardboard to construct his own backup cardboard standee army. It was quite the ordeal, we didn't see him for months.

Then, one triumphant day, Scott returned, cardboard army in tow. He set them up in his cube, and around the office, proclaiming his victory and dominance over all. Yet still, this wasn't enough. In a shocking revelation, Scott discovered an entire thrift store comprised of clothing donated by Sargent Pepper.

Scott retired to his chambers, sewing frocks and shirts together to create a uniform fit for a battalion. He recruited and paid off men and women to have them join his cause. His plan worked, and dressed in these half-shirt-half-frock uniforms, Scott formed an army.

Finally, the day came, not too long ago. Scott's Army surged towards the campus, dominating and destroying all that came in his way. There was just one thing he wasn't counting on...

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