Monday, February 28, 2011

The Pattinson Project: February


We're not sure what happened exactly, but whatever this magical sauce is, it is FABULOUS.

Take a look at January.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Overheard at the Offices of the Jeggings Blog



Scott: Hey, if you re-arrange the letters in the word "life", you get "fail."
Scott: Wait . . .
Janelle: Nope, no, that's not right.
Tommy: Are you serious?

Rach: Well, if you got it up then let's get this started!

Scott: [to Janelle] No matter what time of day it is, you always look hungover when you come in.

Jeff: Chuck E. Cheese has the best pizza.
Rach: Yeah, if you like to lick dumpsters!

Rach: I'm kind of a jerk sometimes.
Jeff: Yeah, I would agree with that.

Angela: Whenever I need a laugh I just need to come and stand right here [in Scott and Janelle's cube]
Scott: This is where the magic happens.
Janelle: WHAAAAAAAAAAT?

Jeff: I've gotta put this thing away, because every time I take it out I can't stop playing with it.

Jeff: I'll call you, and I'll be like "yeaaaaaaaah Janelle, I'm playing Call of Duty!"
[everyone busts out laughing]
Jeff: Thanks everyone for laughing at my life.

Rach [with Scott, to Jeff]: Just go over there and put your headphones on, we'll be done in 30 minutes.

Rach [to Scott]: Keep sticking it into different holes, you'll get it eventually.

Jeff [to Scott]: What's our length this time, buddy?

Janelle: I get up harder.

Jeff: I still just can't fathom what this is.
Rach: What, Spanx?

Janelle's mom: Why are you home so late?
Janelle: We podcasted again.
Janelle's mom: WHAT?
Janelle: We podcasted again.
Janelle's mom: Oh, I thought you said "we popped acid again."

Rach: I don't know, I haven't really gotten a hard commitment from anyone.
Janelle: I'll give you a hard commitment.

Scott: Can we just go ONE DAY without making an innocent comment into a sexual reference?
Everyone: Nope.


Thursday, February 24, 2011

Sorry, Wrong Pants #4 - Spanx, Blanks, and Automobiles


What is rick rolling? Rusty old GM cars from the 90's, hair and body styles, and mayonnaise makes Rachel want to vomit. It's another award winning episode* of Sorry, Wrong Pants!

*award pending

Subscribe to our podcast in iTunesThe Jeggings Blog

Click here to download this episode directly.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

That's What She Said Snow Edition


I love calling my mom, and here's a few more reasons why.

Mom: Six inches is a lot!
Me: Depends on what you're talking about.

Me: It's pretty steady here.
Mom: It lessens and then it gets hard again, and then it lessens and gets really hard again.
Me: Oh does it?

Friday, February 18, 2011

This one's a Long One. Overheard at the Offices of the Jeggings Blog

Rachel: Don't let me smell it, put it in my face!

Janelle: This is the "saucy" part of the song.
Scott: It's like, "we're getting a little buzzed now!"

Tommy: So, what Janelle is saying is that Scott is not even worth the time it takes to tape two pieces of paper around a toothpick and make a tiny insignificant sign.

Rach: [about her dog] He's old, gross, has no teeth, and eats poop.

Jeff: I don't mean to nerd out about this . . .
Rach: [imitating him] "I don't mean to nerd out about this but my name is Jeff so I will anyway."

Janelle: [after eating a dark chocolate caramel with it (somehow) all over her hands] I just need to go take a bath. It's all over me.

Scott: [gazing at his orange soda at Potbelly]: There needs to be more alcohol in this.
Janelle: Why is Scott suddenly making all of these drinking references?

Janelle: It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen . . . besides my own reflection.
Scott: [laughs hysterically]
Janelle: Don't laugh so hard, asshole.
Scott: Don't snort so loud, douchebag.

Janelle: Who needs a Steadicam when you have ME?!
Scott: SHUT UP, JANELLE.

Scott: Ew, I just realized I smell like Janelle thinks she smells.

(Janelle and Scott are filming out the side of a moving vehicle)
Janelle: Ah I just got you in the shot.
Scott: It's okay, that's the best thing you'll ever shoot with that camera.
Janelle: SO glad I got that on tape.

Rachel 2: [down on one knee] Rach, my sorority is having a formal on March 27th and I desperately need a companion. Though Scott was my gold medal, he has declined, so . . . will you be my silver medal?


Amy: I would crawl, but you are already on your knees

Jeff: It's been having this problem lately, let's just force mount it

Amy (in reference to a website): Rach, have you gotten it up yet?

Amy: I'm not ready for Robert Pattinson to give me herpes.

Rachel (to Amy and Tommy): I hope your lifes' goal isn't striving to be slightly better versions of Scott and Janelle.

Tommy (to Amy): So what you're saying is that the erect wooden pole being mounted on campus will slowly wilt over time?

Tommy: Facebook chat is made of lies and Communism!

Rach: Jeff just discovered Scott's tower. (thinking) That sounds kind of wrong doesn't it?

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Sorry, Wrong Pants #3 - Boats n' Hoes!


This week's episode is listing to starboard! Hurricane Gina's coming in from the East! She's going down with a boatload of nautical themes! 

Also, Rachel-2 is single, and no one can figure out why.

Copy this link and paste it into your podcast listening device (iTunes/Zune/RSS) to subscribe.

Click here to download this episode directly.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

It was a simple misunderstanding



A misunderstanding between you and me, me and you. 

It's okay, I'm okay. We're all okay.

Just because you're a bird that wants to fly away, I won't stop you. 

But rest assured, one day I'll capture you once again, grab you, chop your head off, pluck and bleed you out, and fry you into a golden crispiness that the Colonel Himself is unfamiliar with.

We'll have a feast. I'll bring the hot sauce.

Oh, in other news we have a Tweetter account now. We're not entirely sure what it's for, but we heard that it has something to do with birds.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Test post.


In theory, after this is published, it shouldn't show up in the Podcast feed.

Edit: I'm leaving this here, as a monument to American Engineering™

Sorry, Wrong Pants #2 - The Future, Mars, Taste Testing


Once again, the idiots in the basement made the podcast difficult to download. But the Eternal Leader (me) has made it possible for you, dear reader, listener, and all-around good fellow, to easily download and subscribe.

The second episode of our premiere program features the gang recalling their childhood aspirations, a visitor from Mars, and a taste test that will keep the raccoons away from the Jeggings Blog Offices for months to come.


Copy this link and paste it into your podcast listening device (iTunes/Zune/RSS) to subscribe.

Click here to download it directly.

Sorry, Wrong Pants #1 - Pilot


Look here, scumbags! The lower minions in the Accidental Jeggings Production Offices, aka the emergency volunteer interns, posted our podcasts in an inefficient manner that required the tears of rabbits and angels to download. In addition, tags were wrong (who the hell is Scott Lehman?) and there was a distinct lack of lemons and balloons.

But now, thanks to TECHNOLOGY, we have an RSS FEED that you can COPY AND PASTE into your favourite MEDIA PLAYER such as iTUNES or ZUNE to SUBSCRIBE. Yeah, we can do that now.

So again, here is our Pilot episode. It's actually quite bad.

Copy this link and paste it into your podcast listening device (iTunes/Zune/RSS) to subscribe.

Click here to download it directly.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Overheard at the offices of the Jeggings Blog

Rach (upon seeing Jeff's combed-over hair): Are you going for the "Scott Lehman" look?
Jeff: No, I'm going for the "I don't want to look like I woke up in a dumpster" look.

Scott: We are literally one step up from a coffee shop [production company].

Tommy: Aww, Scott, you are just so smaaart.
Scott: I need to smile more.

Rach: I don't want to rub him in, I want to get him off.

Anonymous: Remember, I'm the girl that wanted to be the hand-job hooker.

Janelle: Who are Tommy and Jeff doing at 3?

Tommy: I'm no longer going to call it an appetizer, it's now called pre-gaming the entree.

Janelle: Did you ever see what they put in my mouth?!

Scott: I'll have weekends again starting in April. Well, at least until dance season starts.
[Janelle, understanding that he means "working the auditorium for the myriad of dance recitals in the May-June time span", says nothing.]
Jeff: Wait, what?

Rach: This company is so Jewish. I can't order anything from B&H because the sunset is in 59 minutes.

Tommy: Have you ever seen my PT Cruiser? There was so much stuff in there, it was like a TGI Friday's.





Jeff: Did Janelle grab Ace?
Rach: Did you seriously just ask where Ace is? He's on your shoulder.

Janelle: If you stop at Krispy Kreme, can you get me a plain not-glazed donut?
Scott: WHAT?! I AM EMBARRASSED BY ASSOCIATION!

Janelle: "Scott Lehman has become Mayor of The Pearly Gates."

Rach (after being handed a really janky mic): Who gave me the Jankrophone?!


Trying Gross Things: The Results.


1.) Cranberry and Pumpkin pie gumballs
These gumballs were quite pleasant. Pumpkin Pie tasted like a holiday spice, and cranberry tasted just like cranberry. Rach claimed that she would actually consume these gumballs, because they tasted quite normal.
We give it one lemon wedge out of 10 on the disgusting scale


2.) Bacon Jelly Beans
These jelly beans tasted just like bacon, but something wasn't quite right. It is my opinion that the texture of a candy-esque jelly bean helped add to the disgusting factor. The bacon jelly beans surprised us, because the taste changed after having them in our mouths for a while. The plain bacon flavor changed to a sweet bacon flavor, and gave us the impression of a brown sugar variety of bacon.
We give it 1.5 lemon wedges out of 10 on the disgusting scale

3.) Wasabi Gumballs
Do NOT try these if you hate spicy things. These gumballs weren't really that disgusting, but they were incredibly spicy. Like spicy things? Like gumballs? These are perfect for you.
We give it 4 lemon wedges out of 10 on the disgusting scale

4.) Onion Ring Mints
We were scared before even trying these disgusting things. A pungent smell of onion filled the studios as soon as the tin of mints was opened. The mints tasted like mint, but with a strong hint of onion. They sort of tasted like the Funyuns brand of chips. The mints were tolerable, but the pungency of the onion smell creeped up our noses. This resulted in all of us spitting it out.
We give it 6 lemon wedges out of 10 on the disgusting scale

5.) Fizzy Bacon Tabs
Just because bacon tabs can be dissolved in water does not mean it should actually be done. This was the most disgusting beverage that I have ever consumed. The tabs turned the water into a cloudy mess, and gave it a sort of odd smell. I attempted two sips of this disgusting drink. The first sip resulted in an instant spitting out of the beverage. It was not a pleasant taste. However, I had to take a second sip to analyze the flavor. Imagine water, but with a smokey meat flavor. Does that sound pleasant? If so, then these tabs are perfect for you.
We give it 9.5 lemon wedges out of 10 on the disgusting scale

6.) Turkey Gumballs
This one surprised me. I didn't think it would be that bad. I was wrong. Imagine that your Thanksgiving leftovers were sitting in the fridge for a month. Imagine that the leftover turkey became rock hard, and was shaped into a little ball. Now, imagine this ball in your mouth. Does it sound appetizing? I think not. I only bit down once into this gumball, and then instantly spit it out. No one wanted to try it after this. Never buy this unless the flavor of month old turkey makes your mouth water.
we give it 10 lemon wedges out of 10 on the disgusting scale

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Gang Plays Exquisite Corpse


Head and Feet: Rach
Chest: Tommy
Thighs: Amy

30 Questions To Ask Your Doctor About Blackboard

  1. How do I Blackboard?
  2. How do I log off of Blackboard?
  3. How old do you have to be to Blackboard?
  4. Does it cost money to Blackboard?
  5. Is there an hourly rate to Blackboard?
  6. What time of day can I Blackboard?
  7. What happens when you finish Blackboarding?
  8. How do I check my Blackboard performance?
  9. What are the advantages of Blackboarding?
  10. Will Blackboard be my friend on Facebook?
  11. Can I talk about Blackboarding?
  12. Can I Blackboard with a friend?
  13. Can you Blackboard with your exs?
  14. Can I watch someone Blackboard?
  15. Can the elderly Blackboard?
  16. Can I Blackboard while drinking coffee?
  17. What if I Blackboarded last night?
  18. How many times a day can you Blackboard?
  19. Can I Blackboard with one hand?
  20. Can I Blackboard in public?
  21. Should I consult a physician to Blackboard?
  22. If Blackboard fails, is there a plan B?
  23. How do I log in to Blackboard?
  24. Is there such a thing as too much Blackboard?
  25. Can I become addicted to Blackboarding?
  26. What if it's my first time Blackboarding?
  27. If I Blackboard with someone, will he/she call me afterward?
  28. Is it true that with Blackboard, if you don't use it, you lose it?
  29. Can Blackboard be applied directly to the forehead? Can Blackboard be applied directly to the forehead? Can Blackboard be applied directly to the forehead?
  30. I've been on Blackboard for more than four hours, should I call a doctor?





Sorry, Wrong Pants Ep.2

Back again for more! This week, someone goes overboard on bacon, the gang rehearses their childhood aspirations, and our man on the streets visits Mars. Click for Awesomeness!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Pattinson Project: January

Every day that Amy and I work together, we add something to the Robert Pattinson calendar I received as a Secret Santa gift.

We're taking requests for February.