Overheard at the Offices of the Jeggings Blog

Scott: I don't care. I have spoken.

Janelle: Fucktardigan University.

Scott: F.U.

Scott: I don't usually eat things that are considered "slop."

Charles (growling): I had orange juice for breakfast.

[Facebook chat]

Rachel-2: I'm going to be that person that comes home from work and puts on sweatpants right away.

Janelle: I already am that person. Dan came over earlier and I'm wearing bright red LTU sweatpants, a giant "Party Like a Blue Devil" t-shirt that's too big for most men, a green zip-up hoodie from 8th grade that's too small, purple socks, moccasins, my hair on top of my head and my glasses.

Janelle: who wouldn't want to tap this?

Janelle: I thought of that last night when I was in bed.

Scott: That's kinky.

Rach: I sent Scott an e-card that said "I'm comfortable being friends with you."

Overheard at Parties That No One Comes To

Rachel-2: I'm just too tired to fucktion.

Megan (Nicole's friend): Soooo many people de-friended me on Facebook because my status was, "despite being fat, Adele is killin' it."

Rachel-2 (watching Newsies): This movie is filled with strong young jawlines.

Janelle (to Nicole): You smell like poop.

Nicole: What? How do I smell like poop? What do you mean?

Mom: Get away from us. You smell like the morning after.

Nicole: The morning after what?

Mom: You smell like bad breath, alcohol, and B.O.

Janelle: I DON'T WANT TO BE BY YOU. You smell like a literal turd.

Rachel-2: Wait, what happened to Miss Honey's dad? Did he kill himself?

Nicole: Well you know, you could just shut up and watch the movie, that's always an option. I'm just sayin'.

Nicole: I'm going to take a shower!
Janelle: Come out smelling better!
Nicole: Come out smelly butter?

Overheard As of Oct 18

Scott: Oh, I'm priceless!

Janelle (to Charles): It it racist to think you're a good dancer?

Scott: This used to be a good song until they turned it into a penis commercial.

Steve: I'll come when you go through it.

Scott: I don't last that long at night. I get......fatigued.

Charles: That hot dog only used you for a one night stand.

Scott: We need some shitty removal.

(Talking to James Sharp)

Charles: Did you find the pot of righteousness?

Scott: DID YOU ENTER THE TEMPLE?!?!

Jeff: So my sister commented on the Ohio thing and said: "Shit be lookin like Jumanji."

Charles: Do you need some "feel better juice?"

Janelle: I'm an awkward shield.

Scott: My leg hurts. Like up here.

(points to a really high spot on his leg)

Scott: So basically my crotch is on fire.

Scott: OKAY NOT REALLY.

Charles: Let me tell you about The Lust Factor.

Scott: Ladies, we're having a special on Sensodyne.

Rach: Does this make it weirder?

Janelle: What, when you lick your teeth and wink at me? Yes, yes it does.

Scott: I went to Wendy's and asked for a "Hot'n'Juicy Burger." The lady asked me what kind. I said "umm, a Hot'n'Juicy burger?" I guess that there are several types of Hot'n'Juicy burgers.

Rach: (to Scott) I don't know why you don't use this to your advantage [about cougars loving him]. If you had any sort of charisma . . .

Janelle: That looks like a fetus.

What an awkweird time.

Janelle: My tongue is only two inches.

Rach: (to Janelle) You would make a terrible lesbian.

Charles: Bathroom walls are terrible people...those people are perverts!

Overheard at Parties that No One Really Comes To

Janelle: If I'm not there, no one puts it in.

Sorry, Wrong Pants #19 - First Comes the Cheese

Cheese Rushmore

I've been sitting here for awhile now, trying to think of what to write. Usually it's some kind of nonsense that has nothing to do with the accompanying podcast. But I'm fresh out of ideas, preoccupied with other things in my head...

I'm moving to New York City TOMORROW. I have a paid apprenticeship starting next week working for Vimeo. It's going to be an adventure, to say the least. To say the most, extremely stressful for the next couple of days.

I'm going to miss my friends here at Accidental Jeggings, all my friends here around Detroit, and the city of Detroit herself. I've been working with these people for some time now, and they've kept things interesting, in a good way, during the past couple of years. You guys rock.

Sorry to get a little sentimental here. We talk about cheese, work, and occasionally mention poop jokes.

Today's Panel
Janelle, Rachel, Charles, Jeff, Scott, Tommy, and introducing James.

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Overheard at Random Places

We're back.

(At Cedar Point)

Tommy: Scott, if you got an award, who would you thank?

Scott: My girlfriend.

Tommy: Well, I guess that's legitimate, because it's in a fictional setting.

Scott: I'm assuming the award is "Congrats on the Sex."

Tommy and/or Scott: Fun fact . . .

Tommy (later): So you never really answered my question about the awards.

Scott: Oh, who would I thank.

Janelle: Jesus Christ.

Scott: Yes, God. And my parents, for introducing me to God. And Jewish people for introducing me to Spaceballs.

(In Tommy's car)

Janelle: Is your finger really all the way up there?

(In the Man Magnet)

Janelle: Okay, Scott, you can copywrite my whore name.

(In the office)

Scott: I gotta dip into my "make it rain" fund.

Janelle: Did you give him the Scott Lehman Special?

Scott: "Things Golden Throat is not allowed to say."

Charles: The new kid is officially broken in.

Janelle: Grossssssss.

Rach: MY PIECE IS BENT?!

Rach: We learned about Chinese bars.

Janelle: And clubs in Shanghai.

Rach: Good idea.

Janelle: And squatter toilets.

Rach: Not a good idea.

Tommy: I've pooped in two countries this year.

Charles: Welp . . .

Janelle: Who's going to sexually harass me at work now?

Janelle: Don't answer that.

(Online)

Scott: my shit button is shifty

Janelle: oh is it?

Tommy: I'm 5% packed for New York . . . with a 5% margin of error.

In Shorts

• We really don't know what happened to Episode 17 of the podcast. I think we abandoned it. If you find it, please contact us.
• I made a few modifications to the blog. New header image? Nice. Uh oh, what's over to the side? A new sidebar WOOOAAAHHH
• Posts from us have slowed from a drizzle to a trickle, sorry about that, our loyal fanbase. 
• Isn't the new header image REGAL? Like it would be on someone's desk nameplate. We should get on that.

Sorry, Wrong Pants #18 - Going Commando

I saw X-Men: First Class over the weekend, and it is now my favourite out of all the X-Men movies. Why? Because it didn't feel like a "typical" X-Men movie or a "typical" superhero/comic book movie. Instead, I daresay that First Class felt almost James Bond-ish in its presentation. No, seriously, the movie takes place in '68 during the Cuban Missile Crisis, and the social commentary on the world at the time is hilarious (and so sexist at times... and one blatantly racist edit.) Oh yeah, and mutant super powers, Kevin Bacon, etc.

There were a couple of cameos in the movie that I thoroughly enjoyed ("Go f- yourself" was great), including a cameo/minor part by Michael Ironside, who plays a small role as a Navy Captain. I kind of equate Ironside as playing the even more manly and legitimate Ron Swanson. Where Ron Swanson (or, um, Nick Offerman) is manly man but over-the-top in execution, Michael Ironside and every part he plays is spot on MAN. He's always a military commander who takes charge of the situation, and his every entrance requires full orchestral fanfare.

Not to mention he's played Naval officers (Top Gun, X-Men: First Class), submarine captain (SeaQuest 2032), squadron leader (Starship Troopers)... yeah he's badass.

Also, his last name is IRONSIDE. Come on. The guy grew up knowing he could kick ass.

Today's Panel
Janelle, Rachel, Scott, Tommy, Charles, Jeff, and a special introduction from President Barack Obama*.

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*not actually Barack Obama.

Overheard at 1-800-4-RAFTIN

Some inappropriateness . . . enter if you dare.

The Gang takes on the Oregon Trail

Sorry, Wrong Pants #16 - Who is Shawty?

The second result for the Google Image Search of "Who is Shawty?"

Ever run out of steam?

Now that's a funny phrase "run out of steam". I know that it's referring to old steam locomotives, but when exactly did that cross over to mean that a person has run out of energy? When someone is tired, you never hear them say, "Oh man, I'm melting down" or "Somehow there's no water flowing through my turbines today" or even "My solar panels are covered in dust and are unable to capture the full potential of energy from the sun."

In retrospect, yeah, it does make sense. Nevermind then, carry on.

Today's Panel
Janelle, Rachel, Scott, Tommy, and special guest Pogo!

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Click here to download and listen to this episode directly!

Late Night Knickers

Wrong Yatta.

Kids, I've been on the internet a long time. A long time. A very, very long time, from a century far far away. I remember watching viral videos before the term was coined. I remember watching video online before the proliferation of flash. RealPlayer, Shockwave, Quicktime plugins were all normal things to have installed in Firebird. To share things with your friends, you'd remember a random combination of keywords to type into Google or Yahoo to find a specific hilarious item, and call your classmates to your computer to check out these hamsters dancing to crappy MIDI music. Back in the day, we didn't have a Facebook, Tweeter, Tumblr, Digg, Reddit, or any of these services to share these things. Our social network was shoe-powered.

Props to Tumblr friend Pam for posting a single frame from one of the first "viral videos" I remember watching around 10 years ago or so. I don't know which one of my friends stumbled upon this, or even how, but it happened. Oh, did it happen.

I present to you, Yatta.

Important Announcement!

All links posted by The Jeggings Blog will now be shortened, for your Tweeter convenience, using the bieber.ly URL shortening service.

Carry on.

The MEN choose where to lunch

• 
  

  • Today, Scott and Tommy were trying to figure out what to do for lunch. For some reason, simply talking over the cubicle walls was too much work, so the discussion took place on Facebook. What actually happened could never have been predicted.

    
    

    Scott

    • are you lunching or did you bring something?
  • 4 hours ago

    Tommy

    • i didn't bring anything
  • 4 hours ago

    Scott

    • any preferences?
    • t-bell?
    • we haven't seen bossman in a while
    • ...and apparently, the spell checker doesn't find fault with the word, "bossman."
  • 4 hours ago

    Tommy

    • nice
    • i'm not in a t-bell mood
    • but fast food is a go
    • (gross)
  • 4 hours ago

    Scott

    • wendy's?
  • 4 hours ago

    Tommy

    • maybe
  • 4 hours ago

    Scott

    • lqtm
    • I almost typed lol, but it would be quite obvious that I was lying.
  • 4 hours ago

    Tommy

    • the hell is lqtm??
  • 4 hours ago

    Scott

    • laughing quietly to myself
  • 4 hours ago

    Tommy

    • lol
    • f*** you
  • 4 hours ago

    Scott

    • [low-level fist pump]
  • 4 hours ago

    Tommy

    • maybe mcdonalds or bk
  • 4 hours ago

    Scott

    • I could go for McDick's (McDonald's)

  • 4 hours ago

    Tommy

    • my standards are obviously quite low right now, but interestingly enough not inclusive of taco bell
  • 4 hours ago

    Scott

    • there's nothing wrong with that
    • it just means you have relatively high low standards
  • 4 hours ago

    Tommy

    • that's kind of like the phrase "upper lower michigan"
  • 4 hours ago

    Scott

    • you're in the "class mother fast food f****r" category of low expectations
    • right.
    • *classy
  • 4 hours ago

    Tommy

    • precisely
  • 4 hours ago

    Scott

    • so...food then?
  • 4 hours ago

    Tommy

    • maybe in a little while, let me finish this coffee
  • 4 hours ago

    Scott

    • sounds good
  • 4 hours ago

    Tommy

    • mcdicks?
    • is that McDicks or M.C. Dicks, like MC Hammer?
  • 4 hours ago

    Scott

    • how about MC Whopper?
    • that sounds incredible
    • I could just picture a burger king guy walking around with huge sunglasses and a brass whopper on a gold chain
  • 3 hours ago

    Tommy
    
    
    

    

• 3 hours ago

  Scott

  • well, I know what I'm doing today
• 3 hours ago

  Tommy

  • buying parachute pants and dancing hammer style?
• 3 hours ago

  Scott

  • no...making an appropriate image composition
    
    
    This was the result:
    
    
    
    They actually ended up getting McDonald's.